I've recently been thinking about the Power of Words and what power do words really have?  I've known many people skilled in using words to influence, persuade, and get people to take action.  I've known many people who are able to make big and exciting promises.  I've known many people who become addicted to making people feel good with their promises and their words.  I've known far fewer who can do that and follow through on those promises.

Think about what would happen if someone gave you money and then when you went to spend it, you found out it was fake, that it wasn't really backed by Gold.  It was really not worth anything at all.  How long would you continue to accept money from that person?  How long would you accept money at all?

In large part, we are only known by our behaviors.  The way we commit to other people what we will do and won't do is usually through language - our words.  It is in essence our currency.  If people don't believe what we say, then, in time we will have no ability to get things done, to influence, to persuade, to sell, to teach, to love...

So how strong is your personal currency?  Is your word backed by Gold or is it worthless?  Counterfeit?  Is it a waste of a perfectly good piece of paper?  Is your currency inflated?

As we begin a new year, personally I'm re-committing myself to do better at only making commitments I intend to honor and know that I can and will honor.  I've seen more trouble over the past year with people making and breaking commitments.  Their words are cheap.  That currency is easy to spend because its counterfeit.  Plenty more where that came from.

Words have power when backed up by real action.  We have power when our words are as good as Gold.  Make honest, sincere commitments and when you can't don't. If you thought you could and now you can't then be honest.  You can almost always go back and re-negotiate, if you take the first step.

Think about it as you continue to plan for who you want to become during 2010.

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QUESTION #1: What am I no longer willing to tolerate or compromise on in my life?

QUESTION #2: What are my basic core beliefs?

QUESTION #3: What specific things do I need to be doing for my behavior to be more aligned with what I truly believe.

QUESTION #4: What would I be willing to give up to have more of what I truly want?

I won't provide many examples because I don't want to limit how you might think about these questions, but Question #2 might require a bit of explanation.  For this I try to think about things where my internal thoughts don't seem to match my external behavior.  So I might really believe its important to serve in my community, but I never really do.  Or do I really believe its important?  I mean watching TV is pretty important to, right?  Or I might believe that be truly successful at the level I want I'd need to eat a healthy diet, but I eat at McDonalds twice a day, or....what is it for you?  And what does it take to begin doing more of what really matters?

Happy New Year!

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Kevin Hall.

I love to be surprised and this book surprised me in many ways.  There is so much in the personal development community that has become tired and re-hashed, but I found this book to be a breath of fresh air.  I was originally very skeptical with the premise that understanding the origin of words could make any real difference in ones life, let alone help someone discover their purpose in life.  In the past when I've heard people pontificate about the origin of a particular word it has sounded like an academic exercise only of interest to those who enjoy reading dictionaries in their spare time.

Little did I realize that pulling apart the origin of words does in fact lead to deeper meaning and causes real reflection.  Thinking about a new word from another culture has caused me to examine common, tired ideas in a fresh light.  Re-examining a familiar word in a new way, and thinking deeply about what it means has led me to think in a fresh way.  Kevin is a masterful storyteller who is able to pull out great examples of how these words apply in common, everyday life.  The book is fun and captivating and not at all some kind of dry, academic tome.

It's hard to find a favorite word from the book, but the one I have found myself reflecting on the most is Genshai which means to never treat another person in a way that would make them feel small.  The examples Kevin uses are inspiring, moving, and thought-provoking.

In addition Kevin begins to describe in this book some powerful strategies for journaling and learning more deeply from everyday experience.

The book is both illuminating and inspiring and at least in the Top 5 of all the books I've read in the past 10 years.  It's a truly amazing book.  Aspire! is currently only available on the Power of Words web-site: http://www.powerofwords.net.  Do yourself a favor and be one of the first people on the planet to read this book.

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Making Commuting Fun

While an increasing number of people are working from home, most of us still spend significant amounts of time in our cars or the train or a bus going to and from a job, visiting clients, or if you are lucky just going back and forth to the bank to deposit your big checks.

Like we discussed in a recent post, those minutes can really add up.  You might not be able to easily reduce the amount of time you spend in the car, but you can probably make better use of your time and arrive more relaxed, smarter, and more prepared for what comes next.  So here are 10 tips for spending your commuting time wisely.

1. Review the day from multiple perspectives. Don't just think about the day from one perspective, but think about a few key interactions you had (face-to-face, over the phone, or e-mail) and think about them from the perspective of each of the other people involved.  Then imagine you are an objective 3rd party just watching the interaction and think about it from that perspective.  This always has a way of adding some new perspective to the situation for me.  And remember just because you think about it from their perspective doesn't mean you know what they are thinking...you probably aren't a mind reader yet, but at least you can see the situation from a perspective other than your own.
2. Recall the things that went really well during your day. When were you at your very best?  What did you really excel at?  Did you surprise yourself with how superb your performance was?  While thinking about this, think about what things you want to be doing next?
3. Be grateful. Think about all the things in your life you are really grateful for.  Start with what you are grateful for right now, in this very moment.  Then think about each of the areas of your life: work, family, friends, financially, etc.  If this doesn't change your perspective a  bit, not sure what can be done for you.
4. Connect with someone you haven't reached out to for a while or someone you know who might need a boost. You can always check an action item off your list by making a needed call on your mobile.  You can also choose to reach out to someone and just connect.  You can reach out to someone you know who might need a boost.  The more selfless you can your intention in making the call the better.
5. Improve your Memory. Memory is primarily a function of usage and training.  So train your brain to pay attention to details and things it might not otherwise notice.  Make it a game.  Try to remember license plate numbers of cars you've passed.  If you go the same way regularly, try to remember the exact wording on an upcoming billboard you've seen a 100 times.  As you pass it you can check yourself.  You can try to remember what your significant other or kids were wearing when you saw them as you walked out the door.  You can try to remember the lines from a movie or TV show you saw the night before.  You can try to remember what each of the people in the last meeting you had were wearing, exactly what they said (word for word) and if you can hear in your mind the exact tonality as they said it, even better.  If you do this consistently your memory will dramatically improve.
6. Listen to music (intentionally). Sure, many people listen to music while travelling, but for what purpose?  To keep them from going cold-stone crazy?  What mood would you like to be in when you get where you are going?  Do you want to be relaxed, creative, pumped up, motivated, or even angry and aggressive?  Find music in your collection, or go buy some more that will help you get into the moods you want.  Make a playlist on your iPod for each mood and when you get in the car, pick your mood and let the music help you arrive prepared.  You have seen Olympic athletes listening to music as they prepare for the biggest events in their lives.  Now go and be an Olympian in your own life!
7. Do some writing or public speaking. Are you working on writing the great-American novel, the next Self-Help or just your next blog post or twitter tweat?  If you can take notes on your commute it's a great time to brainstorm.  If you are driving get a little voice recorder and record your ideas.  You might also be able to practice for an upcoming speech or presentation, or just asking your boss for the raise you deserve.  Talk our loud and hear yourself talk, do it until you sound the way you want and are sure you'll get the desired response.
8. Listen to audiobooks and podcasts.  Keep current and learn a skill. I generally don't advise people to spend a lot of time listening to the news.  So little of it has lasting value, but think about what you can learn.  Pimsleur language lessons usually contain 3 levels of 30 30-minute lessons.  So basically in 90 hours (assuming you repeat each one twice) you could have reasonable fluency in a foreign language.  If you just did 30 minutes a day, in one year you could have reasonable mastery of two new languages.  Audiobooks are normally from 3-20 hours.  Many people can get through an additional 10-20 books a year this way.  That can get expensive, so try Podcasts there are thousands of them and most are free.  It's true that most of them are lousy, so try some out until you find something that really speaks to you.
9. Close the Loops. At the end of a long day most people will have engaged in far more multi-tasking than is really healthy for normal human beings.  Multi-tasking often means there are a lot of  incompleted tasks at the end of the day and that wacky unconscious mind just keeps working on them.  If you have a minute before leaving the office go through and consciously complete things.  Consciously shut-down email (get to Inbox Zero if you must), turn off the machine, monitor or fold up the laptop very deliberately.  Organize the papers on your desk in some conscious way.  Pick up the phone and  hang it up again.  Open and close your desk drawers.  Do anything else to signify that you are closing up your day and transitioning.  As you walk out, notice the sound of the door closing on your way out.  As you begin your transition home, let your mind wander to any unfinished conversations or activities, and note mentally if needed, but preferably on paper or a voice recorder what needs to happen tomorrow to move those things forward.  Then consciously shift your thinking to something else.  If you do this thoroughly you will have a very smooth transition to your next set of activities and be able to approach things with a fresh mind the next day.
10. Practice Progressive Relaxation. As you drive or ride home, begin to pay attention to the feelings in your body.  Begin with the toes and notice them, notice the weight of your toes, notice any tension, and allow the tension to fall away and consciously make your toes relax.  Work slowly and progressively up your body, noticing the feelings in each part of your body and relax each part.  Only keep the tension necessary to be safe and alert.  If you find yourself getting drowsy, stop and move your body to get alert again.  If you can learn to relax your body like this then you can really release tension and arrive at your destination ready for what's next.

Hopefully these tips are useful.  I'd love to hear your ideas on how you use your commuting time wisely.

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What is it that generates this kind of rapport between two people and do you have any choice of it being present, or is it just fated that some people will have rapport with one another and others won't?

First, imagine if you will for a moment, two people in conversation. One person might be passionately talking and gesturing wildly with their hands while the other person is sitting leaned back in their chair with their arms crossed and held tightly with their eyes on the ground. While there are many possible interpretations to give to that description changes are that you are imagining two people who are not being highly responsive to each other.

Contrast that with two people sitting across from each other at a restaurant. Both are leaning forward in their chairs with their elbows on the table and their hands clasped together. While one is listening the other is looking directly at the speaker, and when the turn to talk naturally shifts from one to the other the new listener is just as attentive to the new speaker. One of these people might reach for their water glass and instinctively the other will grab their glass and drink at the same time.

People who are in rapport with each other are responsive to each other and are responding to each other in a way that honors the beliefs and the model of the world of the other.

As another thought experiment, imagine in your mind the stereotypical relationship between a parent and a teen. This often involves the parent nagging, yelling, lecturing the teenager and the teen responding perhaps by arguing or yelling back or perhaps just leaving the situation altogether and storming out. In this case the parent and child are responding to each other, but neither is being respectful of the values, beliefs, or even being of the other person. At some level there are beliefs about the other person, their beliefs, or their behaviors that are not respectful.

It is very possible for people with deep rapport to disagree and argue, however because they are willing to honor the other person, and understand and accept each others models of the world, reaching an understanding can occur much more rapidly. This in no ways implies that two people will always agree, but can when in rapport can find a way to interact productively for each others mutual benefit.

A subsequent series of articles will explore the mechanics of how to build rapport, but let me close this posting with a few of the foundational beliefs/attitudes that if one will adopt, will make to gaining and maintaining rapport with others much easier:

1. People are smart
2. People are well-intentioned
3. Rapport is a completely natural process that occurs by honoring the person you are communicating with.
4. People are all connected at some level (we are all of the same species, from the same creator, part of the same universe). However you want to think about you being interconnected with the rest of the people on the earth.

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